“I need help…”
Ask for help, then watch and wait for the gifts…
Asking for help used to be a big deal for me. Growing up I was always encouraged to be independent and self sufficient. We only had 1 car and I was rarely dropped off or picked up from school like the other kids. I learned early on not to ask. I had a bike, and 2 feet, and I was expected to rely on them, rain, hail or shine.
It taught me independence in the extreme, to the point where I would decline any offers of help. To be self reliant meant I didn’t need to place my trust in others, risk hurt, rejection, or disappointment. I was proud and in control. I learned to believe that asking for help made me look stupid, or incompetent. How wrong I was.
Then one fateful day, while backpacking alone in the UK, I was robbed of every valuable possession I had. I lost everything, money, cards, ID, and passport. I had no-one and nowhere to stay. I didn't eat or sleep for 2 days. I was forced to plead for help from people I had never met and hope they would trust my promises to make good on their kindness once I could access my bank account. I hated relying on others. For every kind person I met, I met someone who wasn't.
On the 3rd day, in the midst of absolute terror and helplessness, I suddenly recognised that for everything to work out, I needed to understand the lesson. I needed to be ok to ask for help and accept generosity without feeling I had failed.
Within 4 hours, 2 miraculous things happened.
I accepted a loan of £500 cash ($1500 NZD - a huge sum at the time) from someone who had never met me, but knew a friend of mine.
My passport was returned to me, plucked wet and weathered from the gutter in central London.
My relief was profound. I had all I needed to live, eat and get work. I was back on track.
I had made it through over 3 decades being proudly self sufficient, this was one of my tougher lessons - it hit me hard. Now I reach out for help whenever I need it.
Never be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help or support, it means you’re brave, curious and ready to learn something new. Don’t let pride get in the way of accepting help like I once did. Say thank you, and later you can return it in kind, or “pass it on” in gratitude.
P.S. Happily I was able to repay the £500 about 3months later, to my kind benefactor. I will be forever grateful.
©2021 Kim Wessels. All rights reserved.
